All Things New

Happy Labor Day! The most famous and greatest labor of love happened when Jesus took the form of man and came to this earth. I've wanted to write this post for a LONG time from some notes I wrote one day in Adoration, but I kept losing the piece of paper along with the thoughts recorded on it....so today I've decided to recover them for you and since today is labor day, it seems fitting to write about the greatest work that was done to win our souls.

Our world is covered in all of it's darkness, shame, and confusion. Looking around it is easier to take note of the present situation of religious ignorance and indifference, of raging atheism, of the material neediness and poverty, the desperate brokenness in nations, in governments, in families, and in the very heart of every individual...where is the hope? Where is our Hope in the midst of overwhelming, smothering, all-out darkness?

The Word became flesh and dwelt among us - the Light of God entered into the dirtiness and darkness and the darkness has not overcome it. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, Son of the Father, was born of a poor Virgin named Mary. In the Immaculate Conception of the Virgin of Nazareth, we heard the first echoes of hope. In her womb, he prepared a pathway for peace, "Behold, I make all things new...." He purified the body and soul of the New Ark of the Covenant, He made her holy, He conquered the darkness, and the Holy Spirit overshadowed the Blessed Virgin Mary.

In the Passion of the Christ, crucified, hanging from the Cross, "Behold, I make all things new..." In His glorious death, he descends to hell, proclaiming, "Behold, I make ALL things new..." as He captured the keys to death and the netherworld. As He met Mary of Magdala in the garden, she remembered how He had made her new. He revealed Himself to her again as He called her by name, "Mary!" and it echoed in her heart, "Behold, see, I make all things new!"

In the house at Emmaus, the disciples were struck with awe and trembling as they recognized their Savior and Lord in the breaking of the bread. They heard the Word of God resounding boldly, "Behold, I make all things new...."

To Thomas, who doubted, "See, Thomas, my hands - the nail marks here...and also, my side, do not hold back, I give myself, put your hand here...see, touch, behold, I make all things new."

Present in the Eucharist, Jesus stands before us, teaching us to hope, to believe, to love. He speaks boldly, "Behold, I make all things new." In the school of the Eucharist, in the Mass and in Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament, "Behold, I make all things new."

Suddenly, there is light piercing the darkness. There is hope drowning out despair. There is joy overwhelming the sadness. Jesus is Lord. He is still Lord. He will always be Lord.

Representing Jesus

I've been thinking lately about how awesome it is to be Catholic and go to a Church service where Jesus actually shows up in the midst of His people. Imagine if you started telling people that the guest speaker at your church was going to be Jesus. (I'm sure that would turn some heads...)

Catholics believe that during Mass, Jesus' sacrifice on the Cross is re-presented to the world in a non-bloody way. How cool is it that just by showing up on Sunday, the Holy Spirit can transport us to the hill of Calvary? We have the opportunity to not only witness, but to deeply participate in the ultimate sacrifice of God's limitless love.

In Biblical times to remember or recall an experience meant to make it present again in a new moment of time, bringing the past full speed up to the present. It was about participating, deeply and meditatively, in the big events that generations before had experienced. When we hear our Lord Jesus speak, "Do this in remembrance of me" at the Last Supper, it means a lot more than taking a picture out of our photo album and looking at it fondly as we remember Him. It means that He wants to come again into our lives, into our present moment, and to perform the same powerful act that He did 2,000+ years ago! He wants to come in and dine with us (cf. Rev. 3:20) - and in the prayers of the Mass, we invite Him in to eat with us. And He's so good, that He provides us with the food - His very Body and Blood, the eternal Bread of Life. He comes in to dine with us, and He offers us Himself.

Talk about a perfect, self-less, genuine gift - that's His Love. And we should want to receive it joyfully (okay, maybe not dancing down the aisle...but with dancing in our hearts...). And we should be so overcome by all of this that we want to go out to represent Jesus to others, to re-present the gift that has been given so generously to us.

I mean, seriously, there's so many things in this world we could stand for, that we could represent, to every person we meet. It could be very well that you represent that you are a baseball player, or a mom, or a student to the world. Or that you like tacos...or The Office...or a sports team (to remain anonymous...). But how often is it that we allow Jesus to be made present through us. He allows Himself to be represented in simple bread and wine in the Mass, yet somehow we convince ourselves that we are not holy enough to represent Jesus! It's a ridiculous lie! His desire is to be made present in us. The challenge isn't about being holy enough or not. The challenge is being humble enough to let Him make Himself present and let go of our pride for once.

So that's my prayer lately. Jesus, please make yourself present through me. Humble me so that you can be made present. Let me receive you so that I can re-present you to the world. If there's one person I want to represent to the world, it's my Savior and the Savior of the world. Look around you, we need Him to be made present.

God-given Heart

Yesterday I happened downtown to attend the Celebration of the Lord's Supper (ie, Mass) at the Cathedral. Bishop Hermann met my friends and I afterwards at the door. He chatted with us about many things, but one thing really caught all of us. He was talking about Fr. Mike Scanlan and his decision to be president of Franciscan University back in the seventies. The dear Bishop reminded us that Fr. Mike was going to turn the offer down, but hit a turning point at a Charismatic conference.

One of the evangelical preachers was talking about his own calling. He wanted to go into the heart of Africa, but he was serving as the pastor of a church in the suburbs of America instead. During prayer, the Lord spoke to his heart and said, "I will not send you to Africa until I place Africa in your heart."

At hearing this, Fr. Mike knew in his heart, the Spirit moved, that he was called to go to Steubenville to be president of this college even though he didn't want to go. Over the years, God put Steubenville in his heart.

After the Bishop had shared this, I laughed out loud. It's exactly what has most recently happened to me. When I graduated from Franciscan University, my desire and calling was to go to China. I went there to serve for a month. It was beautiful, life-altering, and transforming. Such a gift from the Lord directly to my heart. I returned to the States and to a tough decision about where to go next. Even though my heart was still in China, I accepted a job to work at a parish in mid-west suburbia as a youth minister.

I struggled daily, wondering constantly: what was I doing in the mid-west suburbs when I dreamed of missions? After a year serving in the suburbs, I considered leaving and finding a place to volunteer for a year while I figured things out. I went so far as to interview at a volunteer position in Arizona. I wanted to go, but it felt terribly empty inside. I prayed that God would change my heart and let me see His will. I begged Him, thinking that if I prayed hard enough, He would open up something somewhere and let me leave.

I stopped at home briefly and talked to dear friends and family about my discernment - should I go or should I stay? I talked about the volunteer opportunities. One woman looked at me and said, "Wow. that's tough, but I have no doubt that whatever you choose you'll do fine. You have the heart of a lion..." It hit me like a brick. If I had the heart of a lion, why didn't I have a heart for the parish I had served for a year? Why did it seem like my ministry was such a struggle?

The pursuit for other work was coming up empty and I had no idea why or what to do. I left for a week to go to Arizona. Each night away from St. Louis, I found myself missing the city, the people, the parish, and the teens. I tried desperately to ignore the feeling, but it wouldn't go away. It wasn't until I was driving back from the airport to the parish in St. Louis that it hit me. I felt like I was coming home. At first I laughed out loud, then I just started crying. Tears streaming down my face. That night I couldn't stop smiling. It was powerful, overwhelming, and strikingly clear.

God had indeed changed my heart. Confirmation after confirmation. I knew it. Yet I was afraid, could I allow myself to fully embrace this mission? What would it look like? Could I handle it? Questions raced in, casting doubt, about my ability and my calling. After a few days of questioning God and those feelings of my heart, I finally listened to the Spirit's movement. All those doubts of my mind didn't matter nearly as much as the convicting clarity the Spirit had given to my heart. I knew where I belonged.

No matter where I am, I am called to love. That is God's will for me in Christ Jesus. And if I do have the heart of a lion...God has a lot of heart to teach how to love. Obviously, He's not through teaching me all I need to learn in St. Louis. When it's time to go, I have no doubt He'll change my heart. And if it takes a while to get through to me, then we will all know it's because lions have big hearts.

Making God Laugh

"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans..."

I tend to make God laugh. I'm a planner by nature. I like to dream big dreams, plan, plot, and pitch new projects. It's how I work. I like to have things figured out. Set to go. On the way somewhere. Anywhere. Fast (My cartoon version would be a big blue blur with a tan blurred head).

This weekend I had a moment of revelation when I spent time with some good friends of mine. These women are not technically family, but we might as well be related. We are like sisters. They are the people I feel the most comfortable with in the entire world. And I am blessed to have them in my life. So I was hanging out with these women this weekend because we were all going to a wedding of a mutual friend of ours.

Anyway, back to my moment...I had a moment when I was simply spending time with these women when I realized that I had been planning for something, plotting, organizing, and working hard because I had decided that I knew where I was going. That, finally, after months of confusion, I had a direction and gosh darnit I was going to do what I was going to do. Period. End of story.

Then about a week ago (after much solo planning), I started to listen to the movement of the Holy Spirit within my own heart. And what I thought I was going to do, I could no longer do. I was forced to stop everything and just let it go. Wow. What a feeling. All this planning, plotting, praying, agonizing over God's will....and in an instant (it seemed that way...) it all stopped with the breath of His Spirit moving in my heart.

A lot of times in my life, I've wondered about how the heck I'm supposed to know what God wants. People just say you're supposed to pray, read the Bible, and make decisions trusting that God will work. Or others preach about signs and wonders. They saw something, they heard something, they were given concrete, literal signs pointing them in the chosen direction. They make it all sound so simple. But really sometimes it's not. Sometimes it can be very complicated. At least I make it that way. Lol. God's all about the journey when often times I'm just rushing to a destination. Why?

Well, you know what, God is mysterious. Not like some wacky murder mystery for genius minds or a dark figure lurking around in the corner. He is mystery. He wants us to be in awe and wonder before Him. To be in mystery. To be in worship and surrender. Total surrender. For some of us (especially the stubborn Irish type), it takes a bigger push (or pull) in our lives to get us to that point.

In the last several months, God has brought me to the point of utter confusion. Utter confusion. Why? Because He wanted me to wander around aimlessly?? Nope (Even though he did it to the Israelites and I certainly deserved it...). Because He wanted to play a joke on me? Nada. Instead, He was inviting me into a place of complete surrender. But I fought it. I wanted to plan, remember? Instead of giving up and giving to Him, I tried to take control, think rationally, solve my own problems.

So I struggled through 5 generally miserable months of confusion, chaos, and struggle. I tried to pray and felt like every time I was getting nowhere. The reason why was that I was spending all my time telling God how to be God - how to solve my problems, make my life stress free, and how I was going to live for Him. (Ha. It's funny now...not so much then...). I was wasting time marketing my plan to the Almighty Creator. Then after all this product pitching with God, I surrendered and then He moved my heart.

Did you know He can do that? He is so powerful that His Spirit can come inside of your heart and move it, change it, and inspire it in the blink of an eye. It really is quite incredible. And because of that moment of the Spirit moving in my heart through very human emotion, I now know exactly where I am called and what I am supposed to be doing right now in my life. I know that I am called to be a youth minister and live as a single woman striving for holiness in every day life. Simple.

However, it is the first time in a year that I have known God's will for me. It really is incredible. A gift from God. And the funny thing is, I didn't plan it and I am sure it made God laugh.

Dance Before the Lord

Over the past several years, I have been struggling to find a way to live in praise to God. I know it sounds like a simple concept, but praising God in your life can have many applications.

For instance, praising God when you are having a hard day and it starts raining just as you pull in your driveway to unload the groceries. That's one way to praise. Or praising God when it's sunny, your windows are rolled down, and you're singing to the radio. Or doing your work to the best of your ability and giving it all you've got even when you don't understand why your boss wants you to do something a certain way. When you do the dishes (and scrub pots…) to help out your mom. All of these situations help us to praise God with our lives. But there's something else I want to talk about here.

Praising God often times is connected with a little phrase in the Christian/Catholic sub-culture - "praise and worship" - P&W for short. Some stick to chant and hymns, others to 70's charismatic movement songs, others are of the David Crowder/Hillsong variety. No matter what your taste in tunes, almost everyone has an opinion about how one should praise and worship God. It's kind of a funny thing. Even within one denomination, there could be several varying opinions about how a true follower of Christ should praise and enough services to suit your palette for praise no matter what mood you are in.

So who’s to say how to praise? Is there a way to do it? Well, you’ll find the psalmists in all sorts of positions of praise (more than yoga…) and they were seeking God with everything, in all sorts of situations and circumstances of life, and the Psalms have always been held up by the Church. “Prayed and fulfilled in Christ, the Psalms are an essential and permanent element of the prayer of the Church. They are suitable for men of every condition and time…” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2597). So what do the Psalmists say about how to praise God?

I’m not going to go through a whole list of Hebrew words and what they mean, but I want to list what we see in the Psalmists praise. Take a look at this list:
- Standing (30:8), sitting (139:1; 149:5), laying down (4:5), arms raised (28:2; 63:5), hiding (31:2; 57:2), crying (6:9), laughing (16:11), shouting (18:4; 27:6), singing (9:3), and yes, even sleeping (3:6)….
In every moment, in whatever physical position your body is in, you have an opportunity to invite God in and praise Him.

This Sunday, I was at my home parish in York, PA attending Mass with my family. Right as the piano started the musical interlude for the Gloria, I noticed something swaying slightly side to side, a little piece of pink fabric. I looked around the person’s head in front of me, and that’s when I saw her. This adorable little girl dressed in pink little pants, and a pink shirt with a cute skirt built in. Her black curls pulled in a ponytail on top of her head.

I immediately flashed back to my own twirling days, dancing in my grandparents’ living room, and making family members wait for my “performance” until I had on an appropriate dancing skirt. I loved to dance for them.

Then I was quickly overcome by delight. There was something about seeing this little girl dance to the Gloria across the aisle, moving her hips to the beat, and tapping her toes, her little skirt swishing slightly around her. I couldn’t stop smiling. Her joyful dance before the Lord was contagious. I had to smile. I was delighted in the freedom she had to dance before the Lord and I couldn’t hold it in. I smiled the whole way through the Gloria.

What’s so funny about this seemingly small incident is that before Mass I had been contemplating praise and worship, especially people who speak about how one must be physically expressive in worship to show one’s true openness to God and about the Psalms. I hadn’t really come to any deep, meaningful conclusion, but it was on my mind when I spotted the girl dancing her little heart out at Mass.

Now if I had started dancing in the middle of Mass, people would have been horrified and rightfully concerned. However, this little girl dancing and twirling to the music brought those around her great delight and joy. There was something so fitting about her dancing. King David also made a dancing debut before the Lord (2 Samuel 6:14). What are we to think about that?

The conclusion that came to my mind was that the same delight I had over this little girl’s dancing is the delight that God the Father has for each one of us. He is smiling over us and delighting in our dancing. Not because we are twirling down the aisles at Church or because we are raising our hands to praise Him. He delights in our dance. The dance of our lives – our breathing, our work, our day to day activity, our friendships, our conversations – our very lives are our dance before the Lord.

Our lives are the praise which delights God. More than hands raised, He delights in hearts raised to Him in sorrow, joy, fear, trust, and in the daily grind of errands. The Lord delights when we dance and we will always delight Him. We can’t change the Lord’s delight in having made us, even when we turn from Him and run the opposite direction. However, because He delights in us so much, He longs for us to invite Him into our lives, into our thoughts and dreams, and into every part of our dance. Let the music play on and the twirling continue...

A Fiery Mother's Day?

So today is a special day - it's a day to celebrate moms and grandmothers and the beautiful women in our lives who have served us so well throughout the years. It also happens to be Pentecost Sunday. I know. I know. You're saying, "My relationship with my mother is fiery enough!" Maybe that's true for you. I know at certain times in my life I could've said the same (especially when I was a teen!!).

But there's a beautiful reality that we can find in the cross fire between Mom's Day and Pentecost. If we rewind to the first Pentecost (Acts 2:1-11), the Holy Spirit came upon the Apostles and Mary gathered in the Upper Room in Jerusalem. That's right, Mary was there. The Mother of Jesus, the wife of Joseph, the Mother given to John and to all of us at the Cross (John 19:26-27). She was there at Pentecost to receive Her Spouse, the Holy Spirit, a second time. We can celebrate her as a spiritual mother given to us on this Mother's Day.

So what about the Pentecost part? Well, Pentecost was the outpouring of the Holy Spirit that changed the world. The Spirit came to give the Apostles to be witnesses for Christ in the world. The Spirit transformed them, stripped them of their weakness, pride, and fear, and gave them hope for the conversion of the world. What does the Spirit want to do with us? What does He want to transform? Where do we need His Hope?

Maybe the answer can touch on the core relationships of our life, including the relationship we have with our families, most especially our moms. No matter how old we are, our mothers deserve our honor, respect, affection, and love. And no matter who you are, you've probably had a few big arguments with mom in your life time. Some more than others. Even if you have the greatest mom in the world, and you've only ever fought about which china to use for Christmas dinner, the Holy Spirit has something more for your relationship, far beyond what you have in mind. He wants to do something beautiful, something transforming, something life giving in your relationships and in your family. So go ahead, spoil your mom today, pray for her, and pray for the Holy Spirit to come into your relationship!

I love when two calendars collide...:-)

Finding God in the Silence

We had our last Rock session for our newly confirmed 8th graders this past Monday and Tuesday. I invited priests, religious, and married couples to share their vocation stories and wisdom with our teens. It was awesome. We started each session by watching the Fishers of Men video. I saw it a total of 6 times in two days. You think I would have gotten tired of it (and I did) but I also learned a lot.

Two lines really struck me watching this video. "With love, sacrifice is nothing." and "Vocations grow in silence. God calls to ears which are open and ready to hear. It is the same in a relationship with God. It only grows in silence...with a God who only speaks in silence..."

Growth in silence. It's the way the world operates. The sun rises and sets in silence. There is no shattering of the sky or earth. Have you ever heard a sun set? No. What about a flower bloom? Nope. What about a baby growing in it's mother's womb? Of course not. Silence. Beautiful, earth shattering silence. It's how God, our Father, the Almighty Creator, works.

It makes sense then that he would call us in silence. It's so un-natural, un-fun, such an un-human way of doing something. Think about it. How do marketing gurus get us to buy their stuff? To buy in to their programs? To commit our time or our money to something? Loud. Annoying. Commercials. Ads. Flyers. Billboards. Podcasts. Facebook pages. (Blogs...) It's in our face constantly.

But God is not human. And His ways aren't ours (Isaiah 55:8 - thank God). He calls in silence. He speaks in silence. Our relationship with Him grows in silence. He leads in silence.

And no matter how much that might frustrate us or annoy us (especially if we are impatient people), that's how He chooses to work. And He's the Master. It's like the Karate Kid movie...(hang on, let me explain)

The kid goes to the Master. He wants to learn karate so that he doesn't have to keep getting beat up by the bigger guys. The Master agrees, but on one condition, "I tell you what to do, and you do it - no questions asked." The kid agrees.

He shows up the next day ready to learn forms, kicks, punches, but instead the Master tells him to wash and wax all his classic cars. The next day, painting his fences, and then his house. What?! That's NOT karate. What the kid doesn't realize is what the Master knows. The Master knows karate. He knows what kind of motion and muscle strength it takes to master the discipline and art of karate.

How often does God tell us to do something and we just don't get it? (Happened to the Apostles all the time...) He often works in the details - training us, preparing us, teaching us, leading us, transforming us to be our best, the way He made us, whole creations in Him. But instead of trusting the Master, we try to do our own thing and we end up miserable. Instead of facing the silence of His presence, we turn the other direction and look for stuff to fill the void. We turn to creation instead of trusting the Creator.

What is it that is so intimidating about silence? Silence helps us to face reality. Reality is not always easy, and often times our prayers are met with silence and even when we strain to hear God, we find nothing. But when has it all been up to us? Who put us in control? Oh, that's right, it's not about us. It's not about us having it all in control. It's about trusting the Master.

I'm still working on it...waiting in the silence is not easy and trust in silence is not easy...

Watching the Lights Come On

It's the best part of my job. Watching the lights come on in someone's eyes. I was graced with one of those moments just today. My buddy, Jim, who works as the adult faith formation/Bible study guru, is out of town this weekend in CO so I nobly agreed to take his Baptism prep class.

I got into my office an hour early. Organized the materials. Started feeling nervous. The weight of eternity bearing down on my soul - a World Series of what-ifs. "What if they don't know Jesus and hate Church? What if this is the only chance to prepare them for what's going to happen to their children? What if I can't do this? What do I know? I'm not a parent. I've never had a kid baptized. I tried to reassure myself - I have a theology and catechetics degree from an awesome university; what's the problem? I'll be fine." It kind of worked...

But finally I had a talk with God. Okay, God, this is your business. You're going to have to speak to these parents. I know that I received you in baptism, help me to share my love of you with them. Suddenly, I felt much better. Calmer. Less ADHD. More focused. In control. Funny, I thought I just gave up control.

Well, I set up the room. Double checked my materials. Then as I was walking back to the youth office, I saw a young woman sitting at the table. I felt like my throat was in my stomach or something, but the whole thing clicked right away.

She had read the sign in front of church congratulating First Communicants and Confirmands. She came into the basement and was reminiscing about her Confirmation that took place at St. Alban Roe right after her family had moved to the area. Then I enter, stage left, the Confirmation coordinator. Bingo.

So I ran the class. And right in the middle of it when I was least expecting it. It came. My favorite part of my job. Watching the lights come on.

We were talking about how God has shown his love for his people and provided for them since the beginning. I thought a visual would be nice. I started with Adam and Eve and drew a semi-straight line ending in 2008. Then I drew a cross. That's when she got the big picture. The lights came on. God the Father has been providing and caring for his people since day one, saving His people through WATER, we were created to be like Him. Jesus proved it, and His sacrifice, the BLOOD and WATER from His side, extends back to the beginning and all the way up to this very moment, including her son's baptism in a couple of weeks. She glanced up and smiled. A big, warm genuine smile. A "I get it...God is big and He loves us..." smile.

Nothing compares to it. There's no greater joy. Seeing someone realize how big God is and how small we are, but how He reaches down and touches the details of our lives. How big He is and how intimately He cares about each soul. It's a beautiful thing. Watching the lights come on.

And today I got to see it happen. I'm a lucky woman.

Ministry and Living Mission

I've been thinking a lot about ministry and missions...a bagel and mocha with a YM friend really got me thinking.

Youth ministry in a parish is very different from being in a foreign mission field. I'm used to having a house full of Catholic young adults ready to go out and change the world - one outreach, one teen, at a time. All behind a common mission. Then also having fun and living life and friendship together. I miss it. I miss the community.

It's difficult to move to a new city and try to connect there without a "home base" of other young adults to support one another. I've had a very challenging year. It's been good. I've certainly learned a lot - abandonment, trust, God's faithfulness and providence have carried me through it for sure. But there's something special about having COMMUNITY - daily, life giving, diverse...

Acts 2:42, "They devoted themselves to the teaching of the apostles and to the communal life, to the breaking of the bread, and to the prayers..."

That's what I'm talking about. :-)

Third Day: Communion

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5x6khRQFlOc

A good friend of mine sent me this video off of You Tube. It is the Third Day song, Communion, set to clips from the Passion of Christ by Mel Gibson.

"I am the Living Bread which has come down from heaven. Anyone who eats this bread will live forever; and the bread that I shall give is my flesh, for the life of the world." John 6:51

Let us never forget that in each Mass we receive the very Body and Blood of our Savior and King. He has given Himself fully to us so that we can live for Him.

One Year After Steubenville

A year ago, I was getting ready to graduate from Franciscan University with some of my best friends in the world, five amazing sisters in Christ, me, Mary Jo, Anna, Valerie, and Jen. The first Warriors to leave home base. Now we are all over the United States and the world. Scattered sheep. Yes, but each of us in ministry, serving God, on the front lines.

I'm here in St. Louis working as a youth minister. MJ is in Slovakia - missionary and English teacher. Anna is in the Bronx - lay missions and serving with the CFRs. That takes care of the founders of the Warriors of the Word. Then Val is in New Hampshire - youth minister and soon to be bride. Jen is near Boston - youth minister.

It was a year ago that we all graduated from Steubenville. Our hearts filled with the Word, going out to change the world, and be witnesses to Love. Our younger sisters cheering us on.

What will the next year hold? Where will His Word take us? We now stand back watching our younger sisters go out to take their place and be scattered wherever the Word takes them.

It's hard to say where we will all end up going. But we will always be Warriors at heart. Striving to follow the voice of His Word. The whisper of the Shepherd. It's the best life there is.