Have you ever felt your anger or stress level start to sky rocket as you approach a light and it goes from green to yellow to red? Anxiety seeps in. Thoughts race, "Oh my gosh now I'm going to be late, now I'm not going to get as much done, now I am wasting time!!!"
On average, an individual spends 6 months of their life waiting at red lights. It's on the top 10 list of most annoying time wasters. However, what if this moment at a red light is actually more than just an annoying, crappy, waste of time....what if it actually holds within it a secret (even deep, spiritual) purpose and meaning for my life?
I could speak about our need to stop and breathe in the world of busyness or our over committed schedules and culture, but there is something even deeper here that we all too often miss out on in the midst of our self centered schedules and days (gosh dangit, why doesn't time revolve around me and the light turn green when I pull up ?#@*&!).
I was driving to work this past week, and I was approaching a light. It felt like it turned red just to spite me. I felt the muscles in my face go from relaxed and joyful to tensed and angry. My radio was on as background noise and I was mechanically singing along to a song. About a minute into my red light wait, the words to the song I was singing hit me.
"I'm alive, I'm alive... because He lives. Amen, Amen. Let my song join the one that never ends (Matt Maher - Because He lives)."
And suddenly I was unstuck. I wasn't just waiting aimlessly at another stupid red light. I was praising from the depths of my little heart.
Here I was, after going through all 40 days (plus Sundays!!) of Lent, without listening to any other music or public radio, and listening only to religious music, Christian radio, the Rosary or sermons on CD. And it had been a struggle (I have serious radio ADD). Yet it took getting past Easter Sunday to realize that despite all of this Lenten (human...) effort, how much MORE could I be praising God?
If I spend 6 months of my life at red lights, how much of that time have I wasted away out of anger or frustration? How much more can I spend praising God for the fact that I am alive and that He has given me this gift of new life through His Resurrection? It gives time (even waiting, stopped, "wasted" time) value and worth beyond this world. This earthly existence of driving to work and stopping at red lights means so much more than the annoyance assigned to it by the world.
What about the "stop lights" of my life? When I am stuck waiting or a door closes (or slams in my face) - what will I choose to do with that time? Will I choose to waste it away....
Can I choose to live in praise rather than the frustration, doubt, fear, and shame that so often comes sometimes when I am anxiously awaiting the next thing in my life? It should remind me always to live in the grace of the present moment. I feel I have uncovered another treasure buried in St. Paul's exhortation to "Pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17)."
There is another famous phrase that goes, "When one door closes, another one opens, but it's the space in the hallway that can kill you." I am still learning to find the grace in those moments, the quiet praise of God that can come from the depths of my soul, when I simply praise God because I am alive (and waiting!!!) in the present moment.
