Why Distance Doesn't Matter: Part 2

Currently 8 months into our long distance relationship adventure, I wanted to write on some insights that have developed as Greg and I have traversed along. As of June, we are now happily engaged - and starting to dream and do some initial wedding planning (yay!) but this has made the distance seem to grow in size at times.

A vast amount of insight has come from the months apart - here are some nuggets -

We found our "limit" - I think every couple has an amount of time where they can somewhat comfortably be apart before feeling absolute frustration at the distance. For us, we discovered our breaking point between the end of February and May. By April, 3 months had gone by where we had not seen each other in person. We started turning into bf and gf nasty. Phone calls (and even FaceTime did not cut it) turned into silent moments or bitterness or pure frustration. We realized that it wasn't Greg (lol) or me - but just the simple fact that we had not been in each other's presence for over 3 months. When I came to St. Louis in May we agreed, let's not do that to each other again if we can avoid it!

Having a life and keeping busy really does help - this is so true!! Knowing the separation is temporary helps, but even knowing that, it's important to keep busy and live your life just like you would if you were in the same place. Greg and I have never been a couple attached at the hip (we are both very independent people...) but sometimes distance can make it feel like you are never going to live your lives together. It can get depressing very quickly. It helps if you can keep in mind...1) this is temporary and 2) I'm going to make the best out of enjoying the people and places that I am surrounded by right now. Living life in the here and now has helped ease my heart. I know God has provided me with family, friends, and merriment to keep my heart full of joy - and that's where my focus needs to be.

"Being apart really sucks sometimes and I freaking hate it!" I definitely have my moments (and moods) where I "freakin miss Greg" but again accepting that feeling this way is part of the long distance thing, it's normal, and putting my energy into something positive helps me get through those rough moments. I don't have one thing that I do every time I'm in a distance funk, but I do have a few stand-bys that have helped.

1. The first few months, I created a website just for Greg and I where I posted my thoughts or wrote things that I loved (*ahem* missed) about Greg. This was helpful for those moments when Greg was busy or working. It was a great way for me to focus on our relationship on my own, and put my energy into doing something creative and fun.
2. Another thing I have done is send Greg packages - this I don't do very often - but again it puts my energy and focus into doing something loving and fun for him. And I know he'll feel closer to me when he receives it....(right now I'm planning one that I'm really excited about...shhh...don't tell Greg!!!)
3. Be honest. If I'm feeling distant, it's important to tell Greg that rather than acting snotty and disgruntled on the phone. He can totally sympathize with me (duh) but I can forget this. Instead of keeping emotions bottled up, it is way better to be honest right up front at the start of the phone call.

My last tid-bit of insight has come from the times we are together and then have to say good-bye at the end of a visit. This is probably the hardest thing we have had to learn to deal with in our long distance relationship.

First of all, it's important to enjoy the visit and not focus on the good-bye/when you will be leaving because that can ruin being in the present moment and simply enjoying the other person's company. Greg and I act like we would normally act if we were still living in the same city during our visits and we purposely try not to talk about when the other person will be leaving or being apart. I believe this does help tremendously though it is tempting to bring up some times.

I also bring something that I can leave behind when I go - inexpensive small presents or notes that will remind him of me. It seems small but it helps me a lot to know that I am leaving something of myself with him until the next time I will see him in person. It is a small physical reminder/expression of my love for him. Sometimes I also like to write a note (the night/morning before leaving) about how much I enjoyed the visit or what I'll remember of our time together. This allows me to reflect on the positive and take some of that joy with me on the way back.

Know that sometimes it's okay to fall apart - one visit, Greg and I barely held it together when I dropped him off to head back to St. Louis. We had a very nice visit but all I could focus on was watching him leave and feeling like we just did not have enough time together. As I drove away from the airport, I started crying (aka sob fest). I circled the airport once trying to calm down, seriously considered calling him and telling him not to go, drove for about 5 minutes then pulled over in a safe place and just let myself cry. When he texted me that he was through security, I called him and we talked through it. We both shared how we were feeling, talked about how good the visit was, and plans for the next visit. It did help but the rest of the day I still felt like I was in a funk. Those moments are bound to happen every once in a while on this journey - and that's totally okay - I'm pretty sure it just means I love him and I'm cool with that.

With Greg at Adam Puchta Winery in Hermann, MO - June 2012 - the day he proposed!